Welcoming the Unexpected

BLOG SERIES PART 2:

Deepening Inner Relationship

Rumi’s Invitation

“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.”

With these opening lines, Rumi offers a powerful metaphor: our inner world is a guest house. Thoughts, emotions, and sensations arrive—often without warning. Our task is not to prevent their arrival but to learn how to first notice them and then greet them.

If our goal is to become aware of what has arrived, the first step requires slowing down. Without slowing and noticing, it is nearly impossible to accept Rumi’s invitation and recognize who (or what) is knocking within.

In the last post, we looked at the shift from inner hostility to inner hospitality—how it’s essential to transforming our relationship with ourselves and breaking cycles of suffering. In this post, we’ll focus on how increasing awareness—beginning with the practice of slowing down—helps deepen that transformation.

Slowing Down to Go Deeper

When you’re in a car going 70 mph, it’s hard to notice the details of what’s flashing by. In the same way, when our minds are racing, we can only give our inner worlds the quickest of glances.

Slowing down is a foundational skill for developing self-awareness and emotional resilience. And when I say “slow down,” I mean really slow down to an uncomfortable deliberate crawl.

Sloth slow.

Flashing-light-in-a-school-zone slow.

We need to get slow enough that we are forced to notice what we usually rush past: sensations, thoughts, feelings, breath.

In this slowing, we become more able to witness our experience instead of reacting to it. This isn’t just a therapeutic technique—it’s a way of relating to ourselves with more care and curiosity.

Accepting That We’re Not in Control of What Arrives

Most of our internal experience is automatic. Thoughts and emotions—like our heartbeat—flow along without our permission.

Try this:

Don’t think of a dog eating ice cream.

…What happened?

Chances are, the image popped up anyway. That’s because our minds are built to think, just as our hearts are built to beat. Trying to control our thoughts or feelings is a losing game.

When we accept that these experiences simply happen, we can stop wasting energy on self-blame or attempts at control. We shift instead into noticing, acknowledging, and allowing. From this place, we become less reactive and more grounded.

From Control to Curiosity

Letting go of control creates the conditions for curiosity. Instead of labeling ourselves as “bad” for having certain thoughts or emotions, we begin shedding unnecessary baggage—guilt, shame, self-judgment—and start seeing our internal experiences as natural visitors. It’s all part of being human.

Blaming ourselves for what arises internally creates inner polarization and suffering. In rejecting our internal experiences, we often pay a higher price than if we had accepted the original discomfort. Suppression and repression—while sometimes necessary for survival—can lead to longer-term challenges. What we reject doesn’t disappear; it lingers and often returns more intensely.

This is a vital step in deepening our inner relationship:
Replacing control and judgment with compassion and curiosity forms the foundation of a caring, healing connection with ourselves.

The Witnessing Self: Another Way to Understand The Guest House

Imagine yourself as an auditorium.
Your thoughts, emotions, and sensations are actors on the stage.
You—the witnessing self—are the audience, watching what unfolds.

This ability to observe without being swept away is powerful. But during intense moments, we can lose that perspective. We stop being the audience and become part of the play.

For instance, instead of noticing anger, we become anger. We act it out. We lose access to the broader picture and the insight it brings.

The goal isn’t to deny our emotions, but to remain rooted in the part of us that can observe, reflect, and choose. That’s where growth happens.

Closing Reflection

We are not in control of what arises within us.
But we are responsible for how we relate to what arrives.

By welcoming all our inner guests—pleasant or unpleasant—with openness, we lay the groundwork for meaningful change. From this space, we begin to understand ourselves more deeply, relate more compassionately, and live more fully.

This Week, Try This:

• Notice what shows up inside you.

• Pause.

• Ask: How do I want to greet this guest?